he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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