i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
