I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
