I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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