and she was petting her beer can
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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