Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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