I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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