Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I think my moral compass just broke
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
