My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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