This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
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