sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
