The brown eye won't let me do that either.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
