I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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