Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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