Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
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He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
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I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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