So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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