my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
