Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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