Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
