I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
