Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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