Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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