I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
