There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
