omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
