does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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