can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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