awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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