He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Did I show you my penis last night?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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