Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
