I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
