Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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