Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
