Everything about him screamed your future.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
