what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
