Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
