I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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