Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
