just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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