we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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