i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
