You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Your penis caused this!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
