Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
