I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize