You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
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Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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