bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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