i would punch a child for taco bell
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
