please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
