How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
