I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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