A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
