I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
