As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
