i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
