4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
