So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
