I'm really into asian looking animals
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
