So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
