At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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