So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
