What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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