I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
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In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
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and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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