need another drink. this is the easiest way
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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