I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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