flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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