This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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