Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
